Sticky Sticky Stuck

panic is like trying to tread water in an ocean of jello,
but you can't really move and you have to eat your way out.

too bad you just ate the biggest meal of your life,
and you can't even imagine having one bite,
still and bloated,
letting yourself get sticky sticky stuck.

forever the swan

forever the swan...
never forgotten,
but hardly ever held before being long gone,
a reappearing apparition from the mist,
a deeply lost love that was only faintly kissed...
never forgotten,
always missed,
forever the swan.

6/21

wine drunk at 1am and alone,
should I entertain my fantasies or let them spill?

my lips are stained and tomorrow is uncertain...
do I really want to be doing 5 things at once,
or am I just accustomed to avoid being pained?

drunk girls

drunk girl debbie and drunk girl sue,
surely don't give a single fuck about you.
they prance and dance down the street,
sticking their tongues out at everyone they meet...
what comes next you ask?
oh, they surely don't have a clue.

6/9

I await trial at my own judgement,
but i could care less.
I fucked because it felt right to fuck,
I drank because it felt right to drink,
I waded waist deep in dirty water and sang to gods that don't exist.

I hoped that there was something outside of this form,
I hope that this isn't all,
As beautiful as it is.

6/8

I still dream,
I remember riding what seems like 50 aimless trains,
Being paralyzed,
The man across from me also drinking out of a paper bag,
I shouldn't have waited so long to answer you.

Mr. Sad Spud

My name is Mr. Sad Spud, because I am indeed a sad spud:
Around I trek with my arms draped at my side,
They say a tater like me would feel better, if only he'd abide,
But I'd rather wander here and get crispy,
In fact I'd rather get fried.

3/16

The waves go out,
The waves come in,
Like candle light that's dwindling...
Ages pass and bones grow thin,
But the old man's smile is still welcoming.

And as I sit down by the shore,
I can sense that many have come before;
Their whispers ride upon the winds,
Ever so slightly saccharine.

3/9

The bird was dead.
It was beautiful.
Still and elegant,
It's skin tinged blue and it's beak so smooth,
It's feathers lay nearly perfectly preened as if to be displayed.
I feared I might be the last to look upon it,
For the tide was drawing closer,
Unknowing of what lay ahead,
Waiting to be taken.

2/17

i'm still shivering with the heat on,
i'm still hiding in my head,
i think i'll have to drink this can of beer,
just to get out of bed again.

2/14

it's after noon now,
time to drink if i want my
edges to be round.

2/6

when it rains it pours,
when it snows the ice scours
the skin on my knees
til' i'm scraped on all fours

then i lay on my back
running my fingers over the crack
and i don't care if i freeze
i'm not ever going back.

winter

I return the stranded oysters back to the sea,
letters once capital lose their case sensitivity;
the darkness,
it's closing in,
and unlike the seasons,
there's no telling when the warmth will return.

1/12

I think I'll drink alone tonight,
Forget who I am and remember all the same...
I might not return in the colors you once painted me,
I might not shiver in the cold even though it's there.

Mania

I painted my nails red because it's the color of passion and alarm,
Am I okay?
Sorry I laughed at everything so loudly,
I know now that might have seemed bizarre,
Though those same scenes still having such an impact is beautiful to me.

It's hard to find the good in what others consider insanity,
but my exaggerations,
full or empty, light or dark, abstract or so persistently real,
reveal my true nature.

Sometimes it hurts to be self aware,
Seeing a rise and fall from grace,
sitting afar while my hair is still being whisked away by the wind,
offering only an ironic sense of control, or lack thereof...

In 5th grade I did my homework right before I left for school without having read any of the passages,
I terribly sketched a rollercoaster I called emotional thinking it might barely suffice,
but the teacher praised it and passed it around the class as a shining example;
I think that's life.